The Killing Joke

Well, once a person retires, they apparently have a lot of time on their hands. I'm not sure how he knew, but I received THIS in my email today.

Posted by The Joker at 06:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Posted by The Joker at 07:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Bill of Rights
The Conventions of a number of the States having, at the time of adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added, and as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government will best insure the beneficent ends of its institution;

Resolved, by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two-thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States; all or any of which articles, when ratified by three-fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the said Constitution, namely:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Posted by The Joker at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I made a few changes to my site and some of the posts. No big deal. I've had this site since I don't remember when -- over 5 years now in its various formats -- and I've always tried to be careful about certain things. I used to work at the cow spotted hell hole in Sioux Falls and they blocked all sites on Midcontinent's network, meaning people working in Sioux Falls could not get to sites on Midcontinent's network in Sioux Falls. I could not look at or view my site from work. People working for TCSHH in Sioux City could see my site. Go figure. Anyway, the company spent the last 3 or 4 years of my career there trying to come up with reasons to fire people so that they didn't have to pay them severance. One of the things you could do to get in trouble was mention where you worked by name and then post facts about what was going on at work. Whether you were happy or pissed off or whether the facts were good, bad or indifferent didn't really matter. If you were talking about work and they could prove it, you weren't a team player. Once you were identified as a non-team player, it was only a matter of time before the high muckity-mucks would find an opportunity to send HR out on a doughnut run so they could grab you and take you into the back room for a little make over. They'd strip you down to your skivvies and roll you in broken glass and salt then douse you with gasoline. When HR came back with the doughnuts they'd write you up for not following the dress code and for working in an unsafe fashion (you're full of broken glass and smell like gasoline, no one else is full of broken glass, smelling like gasoline is unfair to the people around you, all this bleeding is a bio-hazard, is this how you were trained to do your job? etc). If you tried to explain what happened then you had "a bad attitude" and out the fuckin door you'd go.

So ... like I was saying. I try to be carefull with my website. I don't usually put any names in this thing.. except sometimes nick names. I've never put MY name in a post and I had never named the place where I worked until recently. I was lulled into a false sense of security, I guess. This was most likely caused by a number of factors.
1. No one reads this site. I"m like the WKRP of blogs. The only people reading this site are the bedridden who can't reach their computer and the amputees who let the pen fall out of their mouths so they can't type in a new URL.
2. Since no one is reading my site (see 1.) then I'm doing this for my own entertainment and no one else's.
3. Most of the people at the last place I worked (after TCSHH, before my current place) couldn't spell computer and couldn't afford one. No worries there.
4. The place I'm currently working is really nice. They don't seem to have a lot of the corporate hang ups like "we pay you, so we own you" or "perception is reality, so don't EVER tell ANYONE what's really going on" and "you're only here because we haven't figured our a way to fire you yet".

What does all this have to do with the price of hay in Montanna? Nothing. But I digress.

Apparenly someone contacted people at my place of employment and advised them that they were offended by a post on my stupid blog.
When I was informed of this my first reaction was "really? no one reads my site (see 1. above)".
My next thought was "how did I offend someone? -- oh..yeah, I said I was glad that Jerry Fallwell had died."
My third thought was "how in the hell did they find out where i worked?".
I was also informed that since this is my personal site paid for and created by me with my money on my own time and has absolutely nothing to do with work, my employers really couldn't do anthing about what I do or don't post (duh). But they did ask me politely, so that they don't get anymore visits and so there's no liability issues, could I please not use people's names on my site.
I replied, quite honestly, "I normally don't. But there is that Jerry Fallwell thing and one post about a bunch of my friends from TCSHH coming to work here. Did I offend one of them?"
I was told no, I had not offended one of them but the company would prefer if I didn't use people's names.

Alright. Cool. I went back through my posts looking for the clues used by the Fallwellians to find me. Ah yes... i had relaxed too much in my blogging...and feeling comfortable with you, my audience of bed sores and dropped pens, had posted the name of the company which currently employs me. I have now censored that information in true, narrow-minded, Fallwellian fashion. If the post had been a book, I'd have burned it. I've also changed names to nicknames or first names unless I have permission -- except for Roger's because he said he didn't care, which wasn't permission, it was indifference. I've even changed some posts which had a bit of a gender bias that could possibly be misconstrued. Now there's absolutely no reason that anyone at my place of employment should ever hear another complaint about my external, personal website.

I changed everything exept the Jerry Fallwell post. I have not received permission to use his name yet (probably because I haven't bothered to ask yet). I don't know his nickname. I can't use his first name because if I just say "Jerry" and I'm referring to a famous person, everyone will think "Jerry Lewis" as in "Jerry's Kids". Besides, there's really nothing in the post that isn't factual. Jerry Fallwell died on May 15th. I was glad. Both are true statements. If that offends you then DON'T READ MY BLOG. Jeez. Even the bedridden and amputees know they can close their eyes. Whimpering might help too... if you whimper enough maybe someone will come over and change the URL for you.

Jerry Fallwell was a narrow minded bigot who was given the national stage far too often. He was good friends with our current President. Explain that. Explain that to me. How, in this day and age, can any member of either political party NOT distance themselves from a narrow minded bigot who leads a large organization of people who all think similarly to him if not just like him? Where's the plus? Where's the plus for any of these so-called Republicans with their staunch Christian values and beliefs? Why would any of them say "this narrow minded bigot was my good friend. I will miss him" even if that IS in fact the case? It makes no sense to me.

I've always been suspicious of the overtly Christian. In my opinion it seems that the overtly Christian feel they are the only Christians and any of us who are quietly Christian, or simply aren't "churchy", don't have or should not be allowed to have an opinion about anything. You either believe in every single thing that they believe in or you're not a Christian.Period. To top it off most of the overtly Christian people I have been unfortunate enough to encounter or learn about are complete hypocrits. While their thumping the Bible with one hand and railing about the loss of American (read: Christian){translation: Christian zealot} values they're embezzling money from their place of employment with the other hand all while getting a blow job from the gay meth addict hidden in the podium. Their kids show up to school all beat to hell and when the social worker comes to their house for a "surprise" visit (the visit is only ever a surprise to the kids, they are surprised that mom and dad quit drinking early and they're surprised that they're not getting all beat to hell yet), everyone sits at the supper table and dad says "Grace". The social worker sees this wonderfully worshipfull scene and thinks "These are good Christians. They obviously don't hurt their kids. They are praying. People who pray don't lie or hurt other people. They are such good Christians that I can still smell the sacramental wine on Mom and Dad's breath. They must have went to Mass right before supper. It's too bad their kids are obviously clumsy as Hell (social workers are liberals and not very "churchy", hence the cursing while thinking, although they do recognize religious-type practices when they see them). Those kids must be slightly retarded to run into walls and fall down stairs all the time. We'll have the school put them in special-ed."

They are a bunch of hypocrits and I don't trust them.

To the private citizens out there whose names I used without permission:
I sincerely appologize for any pain or suffereing I may have caused by typing your name so that it would appear on the internet. This is not an admission of guilt and I, as a private individual, have no control over other individuals or organizations or their actions. I cannot control what others choose to read or how what they choose to read makes them "feel".

To the Fallwellians out there:
If my opinions offend you, if my scathing sarcastic prose is too much for your sensitive eyes, if I use words that painfully stretch the bounds of your vocabulary or if the shoe fits but you don't want to wear it, Click on the X in the upper right hand corner of your screen.

Posted by The Joker at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I took friday off and Michele and I took our niece Rachel (names used with permission) to Minneapolis to see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in concert at the Xcel Energy Center. It was a very good concert and we had incredible seats thanks to Michele's (name used with permission) excellent Ticket Master skills. We were only 4 or 5 rows away from one edge of their raised, cross-shaped stage. I could have taken 3 steps and been on the stage if I didn't mind stepping on drunk teens (maybe twenty somethings - I dunno, I'm getting old) and 300 pound rednecks (male and female). Let's just say these country music stars were within spittin' distance.
We did make one mistake. We only left an hour early for the concert. It was 10 miles from the hotel and we covered 8.25 miles in 13 minutes. At 6:43 pm, with the concert starting at 7:30, I was on the shoulder of the road in the line of cars waiting to go up the exit ramp at Kellog Street 1.75 miles away. At 8:00 pm I got to the top of the exit ramp and was able to turn on Kellog but we still had to find a place to park. After parking and walking back to the Xcel Energy Center, it was 8:25 or so. No big deal. We missed the opening act. We didn't know there was an opening act but we missed it. We got to our seats just as she was finishing her last song. That didn't bother us.
What did bother us was the drunk girl in the seat right next to our three. The seats in that place are jammed in like coach seating on a discount airline. You don't get to your seat unless everyone who's already in the row stands up. This drunk girl -- a rather big drunk girl -- was too inebriated to stand up. That's what she told me on her 3rd attempt at standing: "I'm too drunk to stand up", which I guess meant -- since she had to be from Minnesota, Iowa or South Dakota -- she thought I was good looking and she was looking for a piece of ass. I said "I can't get to my seat" meaning 'you're fat, you're drunk and you're in my fucking way (I'm here with my fiance)'. Her friend helped her stand up and we went to our seats. The music does a big crescendo and stops; someone goes "you guys have been great, thank you, good night" into the microphone; the lights come up and we sit down - me, Rachel, Michele (names used with permission) and the drunk girl. We weren't sitting down for two minutes when I see Michele (name used with permission) spin around in her seat and then shoot to her feet. I look over and there's drunk girl vomitting into a plastic beer cup (it didn't all fit). I stand up. Michele (name used with permission)says "I need security. I'm not sitting next to that." We look over and drunk girl says "no, it's all right" and then spills part of the contents of the beer cup on herself. She then tries to set it down which involved spilling some on the empty seat between her and Michele (name used with permission), some on the floor and the by now mostly empty cup was put in the cup holder in front of her seat. Drunk girls friends finally finish chewing their cuds and look over. Michele (name used with permission) said loudly "I'm getting security". They look at drunk girl and her mess and somehow organize to pry her up and get her verticle. Then using a sack of grain with molasses drizzled on it they lead her up the stairs to a holding pen somewhere. I don't know where they went but drunk girl and one of her friends didn't come back until the concert was half over. At $80 a pop for tickets, that must have been some pretty damn good booze and one very good friend.
The concert started shortly thereafter with a Tim and Faith duet, then Faith did her set, then some more duets, then Tim did his set, then some more duets. I didn't get over until after 11:00. It was very good and we enjoyed it alot.
The next day we went to the Mall of America. I met Chris Loomis (name used with indifference) at Barnes and Noble. He had purchased Looney Tunes Golden Colleciton Vol 3 for me some months before when B&N was having a buy one get on free sale and everything in the store was 10% off. It only cost me $30 and it's usually $65. I paid him for that and then we went into B&N to look around. We ended up back by the dvd's again. The were having a buy 2 get 1 free sale and everything was 10% off again. I ended up buying Looney Tunes Golden Collection Vol 1, Vol 2 and Vol 4 for $112. That's over 24 hours of Warner Bros. cartoons and they're not all cut up like they are when they show them on TV these days. Chris (name used with indifference) and I just wandered around the mall and BS'ed while the girls shopped and rode rides at the amusement park formerly known as Camp Snoopy (what is it about Minneapolis and these stupid names?).
It was a pretty fun weekend.

Posted by The Joker at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)